With the rain hammering on the windows I took a sip of my beautifully smooth pint of bitter and let out a sigh of relaxation. The night was going great. I was warm, dry, surrounded by friends, and enjoying an extremely cheap beer when all of a sudden I was hit with the dreaded question:

“What would you rather have sex with; a mermaid or fish-headed woman?”

That is in fact a little bit of a white lie. The real question was something much more horrific…

I was actually asked: “Would you rather have sex with a goat with no one knowing, or have everyone think you have sex with goats?”

Now.. either way this wasn’t exactly a win-win situation. I had to put my pint down and ponder it for a moment. Would I rather sleep with a goat, or have everyone think I did? After taking some time to think I was given what my friend considered to be a bit of a helping hand, “You can wear a condom so you don’t catch diseases”. Great, that makes the whole situation a lot more pleasurable.

In the end I opted out for people thinking I sleep with goats. I thought that with the chosen option, I may be able to convince others of my innocence over time, or that I would just learn to ignore the abuse.

Anyway, today I had a little look around at what other “Would you rather…?” questions exist around the Internet. Here are just some of the questions I found:

Would you rather…

• have a permanent smile, or permanent errection? (considerations: a funeral?)
• have all your hair look/feel like pubes, or be completely bald?
• fight Mike Tyson, or talk like him?
• find your parents having sex, or have your parents find you masturbating?
• be a homeless guy that everyone loves, or be a rich man that everyone hates?
• be 3ft tall, or 9ft tall?
• lose a testicle, or lose an arm?
• always wear wet socks, or always wear wet underwear?

It will be interesting to see what your replies would be to those listed above, and also any other “would you rather” questions you can think of, or that you have been asked yourself.

I’m afraid to say that the old prejudices still rule these days; people are still turned away from prospective employers because of the school they went to and certain stigmas do still stick to certain professions. It’s one thing to have worked for McDonalds, but it’s quite another to get your qualifications from there.

Maybe Noddegamra.co.uk should do qualifications? You could earn your Message Board Posting BA(hons) after 50,000 posts maybe? Definitely something to look into.

More info: here.

The girls, aged 15 and 16, were told to kneel down, were blindfolded and then “cream” was applied to their faces. Unfortunately for the girls, this wasn’t some revolutionary new exfoliate but was in fact the hot steamy ejaculate of a sad, lonely man.

Bizarrely, these actions aren’t strictly a crime. You can’t charge the guy with sexual assault as he didn’t interfere with them sexually and you can’t get him for indecent exposure because… well… they were blindfolded. The only thing public prosecutor Bill Roach could come up with was a very limp case of fraud.

It strikes me that if you can come up with a crime that nobody has ever done before, you can pretty much get away with it. Without a precedent, there’s not really anything the courts can do to you. If the guy hadn’t told them what he was going to do to them before he blindfolded them, would that still have been fraud? What were they expecting?

Equally, does it swing the other way? What if you accidentally got some semen on someone during your normal everyday life? Are you then guilty of something? I’m not saying I frequently rub jizz on peoples backs when I’m walking down the street but I’d like to know whether the option was available.

This first article covers a recent discussion on movie remakes, many of which have been awful or at the very least utterly disappointing.

Check out this list of the Top 5 Worst Movie Remakes:

5. Godzilla – 1998

Okay, so the original was by no means a deep and complex film with a great cast, plot twists, and a fantastically memorable ending, but this film is a “classic”. As such, it should remain either untouched or receive special careful treatment so as not to ruin the franchise.

4. War of the Worlds – 2005

Steven Spielberg used to be somewhat of a hero of mine. He used to be up there with other great directors such as James Cameron and George Lucas. This isn’t the first bad movie he has directed, but it’s definitely bad enough to be listed with this horrible lot of movie remake failures.

In 2005 cinema-goers worldwide were greeted with weak characters, lame special effects and far too much Tom Cruise for anybodies liking. This is the second attempt at making a film worthy of Wells’s groundbreaking 19th century novel. Let’s hope that next time they get it right!

3. Get Carter – 2000

The 1971 version, directed by Mike Hodges and starring Michael Caine, is one of the greatest British gangster films ever made. Back in the year 2000 we were graced with a remake featuring… Sylvester Stallone!? The film was, at best, completely rubbish. It featured a new (unimproved) ending, a weak performance, and a mind-numbingly pointless introduction of increased brutality. Yawn.

2. Planet of the Apes – 2001

In 2001 Tim Burton directed the remake of a cult classic from the late 60’s. What did he do? He removed the iconic ending and threw in a wooden actor to play lead (Mark Wahlberg), a plainly formulaic script, and some special effects just for the sake of it. He took out the original elements that made the original work so well and got a seat at number 2 for our list of rubbish movie remakes. Well done Tim.

1. Psycho – 1998

This movie had a lot of potential, but if you just re-shoot Hitchcock’s original shot-by-shot, removing the suspense and great moments of the original, how on earth do you expect this to be a good movie?

A fantastic example of an unimaginative way to waste your time and money. Congratulations.

Your Thoughts ?

So there we have it, a list of 5 terrible movie remakes. What are your opinions on the worst remakes ever made? Are there some here that shouldn’t be, or that should take their place?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts

10. Ra’s al Ghul

Over 500 years old, Ra’s al ghul’s purpose in life is to bring perfect balance to the world through means of killing most of humanity. With vast wealth, knowledge, and power, this is a task that is not exactly impossible for him to achieve. In the years he has been alive Ra’s al ghul has learnt many martial arts, built a strong empire, and discovered Batman’s true identity making him a formidable opponent.

9. The Green Goblin

Whilst personally I hated this villain with a passion in the Spiderman movie, he still deserves to be in the top 10 list for his comic appearences.

Many have taken the mantle of the Green Goblin, but the original, current and best has to be Norman Osbourn. Driven insane by a serum that gave him superhuman strength, he has impacted Spidermans life greatly. Most notibly by murdering Peter Parker’s first love Gwen Stacy, which still haunts him to this day.

8. Apocalypse

This guy looks insane! Apocalypse is one of the most powerful mutants, with the power to change his molecular structure. Due to this, he sees himself as the rightful owner of the world (Earth). There have been many storytellings of alternative futures whereby he is the ruler, but as for now it is his agenda, waiting for the perfect opportunity to awaken and bring about his reign.

7. Dark Phoenix

Whether you see her as a psionic cosmic entity linked to Jean Grey or as the actual Jean, she killed five billion people. Yup, that’s pretty much genocide. Well done luv, you’re on the list.

6. Dr. Doom

Doctor Doom (Victor von Doom) is one of Marvel’s greatest foes. Whilst originally a foe of the Fantastic Four, he is also on the hit list of The Punisher, Captain America, Silver Surfer, Hulk, the X-Men, Iron Man, and more!

Doom is extremely powerful, he has a leigon of robots (aptly named “Doombots”) at his disposal, along with a great scientific mind, skills in sorcery, fighting ability, and a high-tech, nuclear powered, computer assisted battle suit. Nice!

5. Lex Luthor

Now it’s time for an enemy of *yawn* Superman. In many people’s perspectives this guy deserves to be higher in the list, but for me he just seems to lack the charisma of the higher contenders of this list. Still, credit is due, so he is still in here don’t worry.

Lex Luthor is a pain in the butt for mr Superman due to his strong passion for living in a world without him. Infact, he even gave up an opportunity to be the President of the United States for a chance to destroy him. You have to respect him for that, and considering the amount of trouble he has caused for Supes eventhough he has no super powers of his own.

4. Venom

There’s no doubt about it, Venom just looks cool! Cooler than Lex Luthor for sure.

Venom has to be one of Spiderman’s biggest nightmares. A psychotic beast created from a mix of Eddie brock and a parasite. The parasite itself is a symbiotic creature that attaches itself to the host, taking over it’s mind and granting it super abilities. Definately a force to be reckoned with.

3. Galactus

The name of this villain alone is enough of a clue to how much power this guy has. Also known as the “world eater”, Galactus is one of the most fear-evoking enemies in the Marvel Universe. He has destroyed countless worlds and has a strong backup of henchmen.

2. The Joker

The Joker is my personal favourite of all enemies (and possibly even characters from ANY comic). Infact, he is a bit of a freaky obsession. So, “why is he not number one then you berk?” I hear you say. Well, whilst it’s almost impossible I’m trying not to be overly biased here, and I’m weighing up a lot of factors.

The story of how the Joker came to be has been re-written a great number of times. Everyone seems to have their own little interpretation. He has also been shown in a number of ways, from a mischevious theif, to an insane killer with a wicked sense of humor.

Whilst he has no super powers, he causes Batman a lot of grief. Most notibly for the death of Robin. He also paralyzed Batgirl. I could talk about the Joker all day, but this isn’t the place for it really. Maybe on another article some other time?

1. Magneto

So here we are. Number 1. The nightmare of all X-Men. His aim is to make a world where mutants rule by any means necessary.

Magneto is a very complex character, over the years he has shown signs of anti-heroism and even herosim at times. His power to control magnetism has made him one of the most powerful beings in the Marvel Universe, and the fact that he ripped Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton from his body secures his position at the top of this list. Magneto, we salute you.

I hope you enjoyed this list of the top 10 comic book villains. Feel free to leave comments of your choices, or even a rearrangement.

You can also join in on the forum discussion by clicking here.