This is another news story from the world of Odd. The BBC chooses to report this as “a man posing as Darth Vader attacked a Star Wars fan”, but in reality the man was wearing a black bin bag, wielding a metal crutch and hollering “DARTH VADER!” at the top of his voice.
The attack came whilst cousins Barney and Michael Jones, (who founded a Jedi church which has a local congregation of about thirty), were filming themselves fighting with lightsabres in their back garden. Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, the vaulted the garden wall dressed in the aforementioned black bin bag and assaulted both men by hitting them with a metal crutch. Ten points to anyone who finds the video on YouTube.
Hughes admitted two charges of common assault saying that alcohol was ruining his life, having consumed the best part of a 10 litre box of wine prior to the attack. He claims to have no memory of events and only realised what had happened after reading local newspapers later.
Gee, I knew Darth Vader was an ass but I didn’t realise it extended to common assault with a piece of hospital equipment! Strange how the BBC is giving full marks to his, frankly, lacklustre performance of the Sith Lord though. Personally, my headline would have been: “Drunken Maniac attacks Geeks”.
Here’s the story: BBC News
On a side note, when Hughes was late for his court appearance, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant, adding: “I hope the force will soon be with him.” Heh heh. Classic!
A Kentucky man was arrested on drug trafficking charges on Sunday after he was reported pumping gas into an imaginary vehicle. According to the arrest report, Metro Police arrived at a gas station at First and Jefferson streets in Louisville and immediately smelled marijuana coming from Joshua L. Moore, who station clerks contend was filling up an imaginary vehicle.
To be honest, you don’t really need the story. Just look at that guy’s picture: it says it all!
It has been confirmed that “The Office” and “Extras” star Ricky Gervais will star in Grand Theft Auto: IV as part of Liberty City’s stand-up comedy club. In an interview with Shortlist magazine, the comedian said:
“It’s a first – which always interests me. It was shot in New York, my favourite place in the world, and I got to wear a tight lycra suit as part of the digital process. No, hold on, that wasn’t so good. Unfortunately they captured the whole horror, except I look slightly tougher. It’s seriously a big deal, though. Games have outsold Hollywood for the past few years so it’s nice to be a small part of that.”
Gervais also mentionned that players will not just find him in the Comedy Club, but elsewhere in Liberty City too! Being a huge fan of Ricky Gervais myself, I can’t wait to see his appearence in what is almost guaranteed to be the game of the year!
It was Sunday evening, and my friends and I were once again united in the local pub. My sister had kindly offered to drop me off, preventing me from getting soaked in the usual awful English weather.
With the rain hammering on the windows I took a sip of my beautifully smooth pint of bitter and let out a sigh of relaxation. The night was going great. I was warm, dry, surrounded by friends, and enjoying an extremely cheap beer when all of a sudden I was hit with the dreaded question:
“What would you rather have sex with; a mermaid or fish-headed woman?”
That is in fact a little bit of a white lie. The real question was something much more horrific…
Read the rest of this entry…
Those of you who’ve been on the moon this past few months will have missed out on the debacle of a debate, “net neutrality” has become. Celebrated inventor of the Internet, Tim Berners-Lee has been very vocal of late, calling for Internet Service Providers, (ISPs), to not implement a plan of speeding up the bandwidth of content providers with deep pockets, at the expense of smaller mom-and-pop websites.
Now the CEO of Virgin Media, Neil Berkett, has spoken out in favour of ditching net neutrality using the “more money for me please” business principle of selling your customers down the river.
“This net neutrality thing is a load of bollocks,” he said, in an interview to the Royal Television Society’s Television magazine, adding that Virgin is already in the process of doing deals to speed up the traffic of certain media providers.
To the layman, if ISPs start throttling the bandwidth of services that refuse to pay them premiums, (and it looks like they’ve already begun!), then you will experience a marked difference in quality. So-called “mainstream” Internet sites, (i.e. those who have lots of money), being fast to load, and those websites you probably visit more often, (including this one!), being so sluggish and crippled as to convince you not to bother.
This is capitalism at it’s finest, my friends; by artificially introducing problems in using the competition’s services, you cripple the competition! It’s a big threat to the Internet as we know it and we must do everything in our power to stop this rampant plague in its tracks!
This huge web was found covering 180 meters of trees and bushes by the employees of park Lake Tawakoni in Texas. To find out more, check out the BBC website.
More bizarre news from the Internets today, (hey this could be a new regular feature…). This week it’s from Phnom Penh in Cambodia:
A Cambodian man, tired of his wife’s habit of waking him up by yanking his penis and testicles, finally had enough and wrung her neck, police said on Friday.
Deputy provincial police chief of north-eastern Kratie province, Chhoub Chenda, said In Thoeun, 38, fell asleep after drinking on May 20, and when his wife Touch Svet, 29, came to wake him up in her usual painful way, his temper apparently flared and he grabbed her by the neck, killing her instantly.
“She woke him up once this way, but he didn’t stay awake and instead fell asleep outside under a tree. She did it again and he lost his temper,” Chhoub Chenda said, “He is very remorseful. They have a child. But he could not bear to be woken up like that any more.”
To be perfectly honest I reckon this should be written off as justifiable homicide! The poor guy must have been walking around every day in so much pain with his family jewels all sore and rubbed raw from this inhumane treatment every morning! Ladies, please. DON’T DO THIS. Or else maybe you’ll get your neck wrung too!
EDIT: I just realised that this story is as old as the hills. But whatever, the advice still stands!