Mermaid or Fish Head?

Article By Noddegamra. Filed under: Pub Talk

beautiful mermaidIt was Sunday evening, and my friends and I were once again united in the local pub. My sister had kindly offered to drop me off, preventing me from getting soaked in the usual awful English weather.

With the rain hammering on the windows I took a sip of my beautifully smooth pint of bitter and let out a sigh of relaxation. The night was going great. I was warm, dry, surrounded by friends, and enjoying an extremely cheap beer when all of a sudden I was hit with the dreaded question:

“What would you rather have sex with; a mermaid or fish-headed woman?”

That is in fact a little bit of a white lie. The real question was something much more horrific…

I was actually asked: “Would you rather have sex with a goat with no one knowing, or have everyone think you have sex with goats?”

Now.. either way this wasn’t exactly a win-win situation. I had to put my pint down and ponder it for a moment. Would I rather sleep with a goat, or have everyone think I did? After taking some time to think I was given what my friend considered to be a bit of a helping hand, “You can wear a condom so you don’t catch diseases”. Great, that makes the whole situation a lot more pleasurable.

In the end I opted out for people thinking I sleep with goats. I thought that with the chosen option, I may be able to convince others of my innocence over time, or that I would just learn to ignore the abuse.

Anyway, today I had a little look around at what other “Would you rather…?” questions exist around the Internet. Here are just some of the questions I found:

Would you rather…

  • have a permanent smile, or permanent errection? (considerations: a funeral?)
  • have all your hair look/feel like pubes, or be completely bald?
  • fight Mike Tyson, or talk like him?
  • find your parents having sex, or have your parents find you masturbating?
  • be a homeless guy that everyone loves, or be a rich man that everyone hates?
  • be 3ft tall, or 9ft tall?
  • lose a testicle, or lose an arm?
  • always wear wet socks, or always wear wet underwear?

It will be interesting to see what your replies would be to those listed above, and also any other “would you rather” questions you can think of, or that you have been asked yourself. ;)


13 Responses to “Mermaid or Fish Head?”

  1. FUCK! I hate questions like this! Makes my balls hurt.

    I’d bone a goat but I’d dress it up to look like Ironbat so it’s not weird. Your arguement that you’d be able to convince people that you don’t have sex with goats wont work, we all know mud sticks, well goats stick too.

    Oh and the mermaid one is easy; there is no way I’d be face to face with a huge fish, seeing it in extacy from my penetration and not knowing what species it is would put me in fear of being eaten so a mermaid is the only way. Tbh, this is a shit question cos mermaids do not exist, what a waste of time!

  2. Yeah i’d rather go for the Mermaid option. The huge fish eye would definately put me off. Well, the whole thing would put me off. Atleast with a mermaid she can cover herself from the waist down, suck you off, and let you blow your load all over her tits.

  3. Murray has a good point. Besides that Alyssa Milano is hot!!!

  4. Yeah, as Ironbat said “oh my gawd, that girl is sooo totally like awesomely hot right now, dude”.

  5. I didn’t even know who she was!? :o

    How did IronBat know?

  6. You didn’t know? I thought everybody knew. She’s a prime example of tastyness. Starred in that shitty tv series Charmed, and was a child actor in the American version of the Upper Hand, whatever it was called. She’s done a few topless scenes too, with that guy from Spandau Ballet and a girl

  7. Hmm, I’ve seen charmed before a few years ago… didn’t recognise her. :/

  8. Her first major part I think was in Commando where she played Arnold Schwarzenegger’s daughter, later on she starred in Who’s the boss as Tony Danza’s daughter. She is hot, and being in the right age group for me she was hot from day one and still is :)

  9. “After taking some time to think I was given what my friend considered to be a bit of a helping hand, “You can wear a condom so you don’t catch diseases”. Great, that makes the whole situation a lot more pleasurable.”

    I am deeply disturbed by this sentence…particularly the ‘helping hand’ part.

    At least you used protection though, I guess.

  10. What do you mean how do I know? Do you want me to tell you the precise date and time I first saw her? Sorry I dont remember. All I remember is she is hot!

  11. I was just suprised… I mean… you don’t even look at porn! :o

  12. Okay, let me see:

    1. permanent erections will probably hurt, so I’d go with the smile

    2. Bald, thanks

    3. Who would honestly want to fight mike tyson?

    4. I’d rather be caught by my parents.

    5. I must be bad or something, but I can’t really see any other alternatives than being the rich guy everyone hates

    6. Tough one. 9 feet.

    7. Testicle.

    8. DEFINATELY rather wet socks than wet undies. Being the rich, one-nutted, tall, bald smiling guy I am, girls will probably get their pants wet for me anyway. 8-)

  13. hahahahahaha – thanks Saladin! :D

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